This Deserves More Discussion...

… as uncomfortable, and sad, and depressing, and heartbreaking, and unimaginable as it may be.

Some time between Friday night and Saturday morning, a lovely, vibrant, 17 year-old Foothill High student died in an alcohol-related death. You can read some of the details here.

Hours before this story-- even without the name of the student-- hit the paper’s website, the details of this tragedy were hitting the cyber network, wending its way virally among the youth of our community. My son-- who attended classes at U-Prep with the victim a few years ago-- began receiving text messages about the incident well before noon on Saturday.

This is why we all should be discussing this situation: our children-- the victim’s peers-- are talking about it. They are texting about it. They are posting on MySpace, Facebook, and other social websites about it. They are emailing, voice mailing, cell phoning, writing in journals, and erecting displays in the community about it. They are communicating about it in ways many of us don’t even have access to.

We owe it to ourselves, our teenagers, and to each other to talk about what happened.

For a teenager, coming to grips with the imminent frailty of life through a tragedy like this can be overwhelming. And more importantly, the number one way a teenager (whose brain is not yet fully developed) is going to likely process this information, is through a filter of denial.

“It can’t happen to me.”

“I’m not like her. I drink something different that what killed her.”

“I am careful when I use alcohol or drugs.”

One of the more eye-opening aspects of this situation for me has been the level of sophistication that teens have about alcohol and drug use. Constant in the teen chatter I’ve heard about this incident has been comments like, “I wonder why no one remembered to roll her over?” or “I can’t believe that she didn’t stay sitting up.”

The prevalence of drinking to such excess is clearly more commonplace than any of us care to admit. This tragedy is far from an anomaly. In fact, this weekend's fatality is the THIRD in the past year that has touched my own teenagers' social circles locally.

If you have a teen or know a teen, talk to him or her about this. Steel yourself through the sighs, the eye rolling, the abrasiveness, the evasiveness, and the rest of the unease. This conversation could save a life.

For a parent, the loss of a child-- of a precious part of one’s own self-- is unimaginable. If you know this family, find a gentle, unobtrusive, meaningful way to extend your sympathy. And not just now. Remember them this spring, this summer, next year. Affirm for them the life that was their daughter.

As neighbors, we should be constantly dialoguing about what our kids are up to. If someone comes to you and tells you that they have heard your child is making risky choices, receive the information graciously, and investigate! Assume you’ve been given this information in a spirit of good will. Denial and indignation could cost you a child’s life.

As any parent of a teen well knows, 24/7 vigilance is impossible, and the teenaged desire to strike out on one’s own can lead to misinformation and outright prevarication when it comes to their plans and activities. Consider your neighbors and parents of your teenager’s classmates as allies in your endeavor to get your child to adulthood in one piece.

We cannot afford to remain silent. When one family suffers this kind of tragic loss, our entire community is the lesser for it as well.