Come to Me, My One True Love...

Dear, Sweet, Trader Joe…

You know how I love you. Surely, you have not forgotten the days when I would travel, ice chest at the ready, all the way to Sacramento just to take in your goodness, and bring home some small tokens of our time together, have you? Despite the pitfalls of our long-distance relationship, I was faithful and ardent in my love for you. I even introduced you to other fans and followers. We all loved you, even when it was from afar.

Then, you (and that darling friend of yours, Chuck) intoxicated me beyond my wildest imagination—you came to Redding, California, so our relationship could grow and deepen. Remember those last-minute, surprise flings we would have? I would just stop by out of the blue, pick up a little vino, maybe some exotic cheese, share a few laughs and be on my way? Gosh, those were great times.

Well now, as life tends to do, things have changed, and I must say, not entirely for the better, between you and me. When I decided to move to Denver, I guess I just took for granted that you would be there with me, and for me, in my new life’s adventure.

I’ve looked everywhere for you, and you’re just not around. I’ve even called your mother, and the corporate office, and they confirmed. You are not in the Denver metro area.

I know that some will say I should just move on, and Lord knows, I’ve tried. I tried hooking up with Natural Grocer. I don’t really want to kiss and tell, but let’s just say, his produce isn’t as firm and juicy as it ought to be. You know how I feel about those things.

I tried hanging out with Sprouts, and while socially, it has been a good time meeting people there, he just seems a little lost and unfocused. He says, “healthy foods”, and yet, virtually everything in there is sugary and too well refined. You and I both know that someone like that just isn’t good for me.

I have tried a few l’il independent guys as well, and you know how they can be—just so inconsistent in their relations. Some days things are okay, the next day, they’re just not around, or they’re out of the very thing I’m needing at that moment. And you know how I am, Joe, I just want that one guy I can count on.

So, I ask you again, my love, my dear, true, Joe… won’t you please, please consider coming to Denver?? I miss your sauciness—the piccata, the masala, the vodka tomato. I miss your occasional starchiness—fine rices and pastas. And I’ll admit it, I really miss your delicious Pirate’s Booty. Yes, I know, I should be above that, but I’m not.

I have done some initial reconnaissance for you, my love. Denver is a veritable implosion of empty retail space, just the size you would need, with ample parking, and great access. Demographically speaking, Denver is one of the most health-conscious cities in the nation… we are a people here who are literally hungry for your foodie, healthful goodness.

Trust me, my sweetness, you would have no problem making a go of it here. And you know that I’d take care of you.

Please, won’t you come?

Forever yours,

Susanne