As part of my personal growth in life these days, I am learning the art of approaching life intentionally, deliberately. The changes I want to make will only come when I am actualized in that change. There is no more "I will..." only "I (do)..."
It's not that "I 'will' write down what I eat before I eat it," it is, "I write down what I eat before I eat it." No future tense. In this moment, this is one of the things I do. It changes the accountability. If I write down what I eat before I even put it in my mouth, I am confronted with the reality of my decision before the moment even occurs, the view what that will look like as part of my personal history, and with the consequence of how my action correlates (or does not correlate) with my goals and direction in life.
Eating pie for breakfast is not consistent with me walking the Pacific Crest Trail. It is not consistent with my desire to wear a halter top. It is not consistent with my desire to play volleyball.
I'm happy to say that this morning at the farmer's market, the moment I sat at the bench and texted myself, "11:14 a.m. a slice of pie", I was repulsed by the notion. I was painfully aware of the backward step that would be in terms of growing into the person I choose to be (not the person I 'will' be, nor the person I 'want' to be, but the person I AM, right here, right now.)
I am coming to realize that so much of my life I have lived for what I sought in the future tense, or attempting to salvage things-- or find comfort from-- the past. Yet, neither of these acts are ones of 'living'. For in the past, we can only embrace reflection, and in the future, we can only embrace hope. It is only in this moment right now, that we truly live.
Today, I lived without pie for breakfast. And I am glad for that choice.
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