We Should All Be Sparked By Baby Ember

For those of you who are not local, or who are and may not have heard, a six month-old baby, Ember Graham, was reported as missing on July 2, 2015 from her father’s home in the Happy Valley area in Shasta County.  Yesterday, July 7^th, the search for the infant was suspended, based on information gathered from the Shasta County Sheriff’s Department, which leads authorities to believe that this is not a case of child abduction as first reported by Ember’s father, Matthew Graham. 

I am choosing to write about this, because there has been so much hullaballoo and finger-pointing in the news and on social media—did the dad kill the baby?  What did the mom know?  Divisions have been borne, with camps entrenched in support of mom, in support of dad, berating the Sheriff’s Office operations on this case, etc. 

Let me throw a few broad notions out here first.  The Sheriff’s Office is doing their job, with the training and resources available.  Not all information being gathered in the case has been disclosed to the public, as that is standard operating procedure in an investigation.  This is not a sign of incompetence.  It protects the integrity of that investigation, as well as the safety of officers, persons of interest, and others in the process.  If you have a problem with the Sheriff and how he’s running things, he is an elected official, and in a smallish county the size of ours, you have a pretty big voice in whether he keeps his job or not.  Save that discussion for the ballot box if you have a problem with how he’s doing his job. Let’s get back to the fact that there is a missing baby, a grieving family without closure, and a community trying to make sense of an avoidable tragedy.

Second, though we want answers, and we want them now, we all need to respect the process.  Investigating humans and their shenanigans takes time.  It’s a messy prospect at best, and rarely does it look like the neatly packaged cases solved on TV crime shows. 

What I want to do in this post is shed some light for a moment on some of the more quiet, yet disturbing, aspects of this case; and for all of us to think about what each of us can do to help prevent tragedies like this one in the future.  I don’t know about you, but the fact that there is a missing (and likely dead) infant and a grieving family in our community, saddens me. 

We live in a world that is at times imperfect, and in some parts, evil.  As a society and a culture, we will always fall short in attempting to correct or change “bad” behaviors in others.  That does not, however, mean that we do not have an obligation to lovingly be our brother’s keeper, show some concern, and appropriately, but demonstrably, seek accountability from one another.

In this press release, the Sheriff’s Office reveals several things about the case that I find alarming, both in their physical presence, and in what it says about the rest of us, collectively. 

The Sheriff’s Office states that in questioning Matthew Graham, it was learned that he was living in a 25’ camp trailer, with no running water or working bathroom.  Sewage from the main residence on the property was in such disrepair that it flowed into a cesspool.  Where was anyone in the extended family or community questioning the safety of a small infant in this situation?

The news has reported consistently about the baby’s high risk for seizures, and her inability to sleep much through the night.  These are symptoms highly consistent with pre-natal exposure to methamphetamine.  If this is the case, where were people supporting her through pregnancy, and where were the authorities in ensuring the baby’s safety post-birth?

I have to wonder, how many people noticed something ‘not quite right’ in this family’s situation, and chose to ignore, or to gossip and judge, instead of finding ways to lovingly support or intervene?

I put all this out there just to remind ourselves collectively that as a community, and as a culture, we are only as strong as our weakest members.  It is in our best interest as a society, and as individuals, to convey that love and concern.  It’s not always easy, and it’s not always convenient.  It will require that we get out of our hermetically-sealed suburban bubbles and interface with others.  It may mean we are late to soccer practice, or it might mean learning to communicate with people we find “odd” or that we perceive as having nothing in common with us.  Do it anyway.  Do it, because you don’t want it to be your son sitting in a jail cell prospectively facing murder charges.  Do it, because you don’t want to go to a funeral with a neighbor who just lost a grandchild.  Do it, because it’s the right thing to do.